Forgiveness

I originally had something typed up about lying. I was really heated in the moment I was writing it, and honestly, it wasn't bad. I thought on it for awhile, took a few sleeps on it, and my perspective shifted a little bit. I shouldn't be so focused or caught up on things I can't change. I shouldn't be so angry about the past and what was done to me. Holding on to those negative feelings does nothing good for me. In this moment, I realized, what I really needed to talk about was forgiveness.

It's hard as hell to forgive. In the moment when you are super angry and feel like you could go Hulk mode and bash your fists into a wall and kill someone with your bare hands - it is hard to see forgiveness. Or, when you're so devastated and painfully broken and tearful - you aren't going to see anything past that moment. You may even behave totally out of your character in the heat of the moment. You may even say words you don't mean. That's okay. I've been there too.

This just makes me think of all the times that people have done us wrong. I've been burnt more times than I can count, and I know I'm not alone. It really hurts when you know you'd do anything for anyone and can be completely honest and understanding, but people still lie, cheat, and do awful things. I myself am no angel.

I will admit I've made mistakes as well. I've said hurtful things I shouldn't have, I've reacted out of anger, I've broken trust, and I've lied. I don't know anyone who can say they haven't done this - in any type of relationship (family, friend, significant other, etc.). Does it make it okay if I do it? No, I wish, but no. I'm not perfect. I make mistakes.

The worst part about getting screwed over is when you can't get over it. You constantly play it over in your mind, think of whatever it is, wonder how much it damaged you, make excuses, have imaginary scenarios, and so on. You are even so angry are upset with the person who hurt you that you may even want to hurt them back, maybe not. Regardless - I think forgiving and forgetting are really hard to come by. You kind of think that when you forgive someone that you give them more power or right off their wrongdoings and that's totally not the case.

Forgetting sounds simple, but when you have an anxious, restless brain like mine - you just think of damn near everything all the time. In result of this constant brain trip down memory lane, it makes forgetting pretty much non-existent. I may forget small details or seem to have short-term memory issues, but I'll never forget what you did that hurt me 1,893 days ago.

So, forgetting aside, since that's irrelevant now, how do you forgive? Quite frankly, I think that's easier than forgetting. Honestly it's really simple. First, you take some time. You be angry. You be hurt. You be devastated. Sleep on it. But then, you let it go. Holding on to negative feelings does nothing positive for you. Hating someone and what they did - does nothing. Literally nothing. It just stirs up more emotions in you that you don't need. They are unnecessary feelings. But, I know, easier said than done, right?

Just accept what happened and realize that it probably shows no reflection of who you are as a person. What that person did to hurt you is on them, not you. You did not deserve it and you know this. If there is no way to move forward, and you can't go back, the only way to go is up. Be the better person. You only hurt yourself when you don't allow yourself to forgive and move on from the situation. If anything positive comes from this, you will understand who you are as a person even further.

Forgive them. Just because you forgive them it does not mean that what they did is now okay. It doesn't change what they did, it only changes how you now perceive it. It's really important to keep in mind that just because you forgave them, it doesn't mean that you want to fix the relationship. You forgive so that piece of you can let go and move on. Or maybe, you forgive so that you can move forward together by turning over a new leaf. Being able to forgive someone will lift a weight off of your shoulders. Just think - if I did this to someone.. would I want to be forgiven? If you have a big heart like me, then yes. That's not even a question.

Forgive your friend for lying to you. Forgive your sister for backing out on your plans last minute. Forgive the person who broke your heart. Forgive the person who was talking bad about you. Forgive your parents for not agreeing with you. Forgive that company who screwed up your order. Forgive your worst enemy.

Forgive yourself, too. I know I beat myself up over things I've done wrong or things I've done that have hurt people in the process. We all make mistakes and if you don't think you do - you stink too. Being a human is hard enough.

"When a deep injury is done to us, we never heal until we forgive." - Mandela

Take this in light context,
Mikayla