What am I going to do with my life?
Looking back at when I first started *OMG A HUGE ANT JUST CRAWLED ONTO MY COMPUTER I'M GOING INSIDE BRB* I had no idea what I wanted to do. I went to Lake Land just because I felt it was what I should do, I suppose. I majored in Early Childhood Education because up until that point, children was all I knew. I have never felt like I had that one purpose or passion. Everyone around me seems to know they want to be a cosmetologist, a nurse, a teacher, a counselor, join the military, etc. I've just never had that gut intuition, or that "AHA" moment. Lake Land was a great school, costed me next to nothing, and brought lifelong friends into my life (AKA: Baylee Scholes). However, when I finished Lake Land, I thought, well maybe I should get my Bachelor's degree.
Then, I came to Indiana State University. I also did not know what to major in here because they did not have Early Childhood Education. While looking at the list of degrees they offered, Human Development and Family Studies stood out to me. I read the description, and decided I'd go for it. (HDFS looks at people across the lifespan from birth to the end of life and focuses on helping individuals and looks at family dynamics. Classes I've taken are: child development, adolescent development, society and aging, family resource management, families in crisis, parent education, parent education methods, applied theories, etc. It overlaps with psychology, sociology, and such). Still, at this point, I had no idea what I wanted to do or what my end goal was. I threw on a Psychology minor just because I thought psych was fascinating.
Now, at the end of my bachelor's degree, I get asked all the time: what do you want to do with your life? Well bud, I still haven't figured that out yet. After you get your Bachelor's degree you either want to get a job because you have student loan payments coming in 6 months, or you continue onto higher education. While I could most certainly continue my education, I had to take a hard look at myself. What in the world do I want to do?
Master's school is not for me. Plain and simple. School causes me anxiety and stress and I think it would be extra stressful to be going to school and racking up loans when I don't have a solid plan. I also think it really sucks that in your early 20's that you are expected to know what to do with your life. I almost regret going to school because I will spend a ton of money when I don't know what for. Maybe one day I'll figure it out and go, but right now that's a hard pass. However, DO NOT go to Master's school if you don't know what you want to do or know you may not utilize it. DON'T do it it just because everyone else continues on.
I fell victim to the school path, no doubt. After high school it just seemed like it was what I should be doing because everyone else was, and I've totally changed that view since I've reached the end of my Bachelor's degree. At this point, most people know exactly what their next step is. While that is great - that just isn't true for me. I don't need to focus on my next step.
We're all so focused on the next step, next this, school this, job this - that we lose sight of the entire process. These past 4 years have been so powerful for me. If I did not go to college, I would certainly not be the same person. I have gained so much knowledge, insight, wisdom, perspective, diversity, strength, and experiences. I truly have grown as a person because of the path I've taken. I've grown as a professional too - I've learned how to introduce myself, dress professionally, handle supervisors in internships, advocate for myself, communicate better, etc. I've had to challenge myself in doing things that scare the shit out of me, like presenting for every stinking class. I've had to learn how to make friends with people around me and be brave enough to ask for help. Ultimately, I've had to learn how to navigate it all on my own. I've gained incredible independence and for that I'm proud of.
I think I could do anything I wanted. I could do any profession I wanted because of my determination. I'm an extremely versatile person. However, I want to do something I'm passionate about. I want to do something that gives me true purpose. I know that I am made for more. I know that I may do great things one day. I don't know how, or when, but I know I will. There's no need to worry ourselves for the fear of the future when you realize everything happens for a reason. If it happens, it was meant to. If it does not happen, it was meant to.
I know one concrete fact is that I thoroughly enjoy helping other people and making their lives better. I have found that in my practicum & internship by working with the elderly and doing things to make them smile or make them feel special. I have found that in my job working in an assisted living by also doing things that make the end of their lives filled with good days. I have found that by wiping someones face clean and brushing their hair as they lay in their bed with a few days left of life. There is just something so rewarding about helping and caring for those who need it most. Especially, caring for those who are at the end of their journey. It's an area that so many people treat like it's nothing. I love my people. I'm happy with what I've been doing.
If you've read up until this point, and you're wondering which direction I'm going, here you go: I'm stopping. I'm taking a break. I need to rest. I don't want to figure it all out. I don't want to jump into a job or a new degree just because I need to get going or do what everyone else around me is. I want to enjoy the process to finding who and where I'm meant to be. I know that I will get there, but I'm not going to force it. It is okay to not know what to do with your life. It is also okay to be different from everyone else. Not every single person is going to have the same journey or plan. Just forget the destination and embrace the process. As long as you are striving to be a better version of yourself daily and your efforts replicate that - you're going places.
I'm going to miss being in school. I'm going to miss this un-needed stress. I'm going to miss sitting at the fountain or waiting to go to my next class. I'm going to miss the organization and structure it has brought me in my life. I'm going to miss learning new things. I'm going to miss the challenges it brings. I'm going to miss my commute. I'm going to miss campus. But, I'm ready to be done.
19 days until my final graduation,
Mikayla
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