Uncomfortable Feelings

Something that's been tugging on my heart strings here lately is the topic of uncomfortable feelings. When I say uncomfortable, I'm referring to being lonely, sad, confused, etc. I know in any ideal world we would want to be happy most of the time. Unfortunately, that is not realistic. Things come up & as we all know it - shit happens. Or life? Either way.

Normally, I'd tell you to choose joy - but that's not the message I want to portray today. That's right Mikayla, don't tell me happiness is a choice right now, I want to hear about how to deal with uncomfortable feelings. *Alright, alright, you got it*

This is something I've been trying to practice in my own life. I've not mastered it by any means, but I'm doing pretty well and any information on how I've come to deal with uncomfortable emotions can be valuable to someone who may need a little nudge in the right direction.

Okay, turn your listening ears on. Uncomfortable emotions are feelings, which means you need to feel them. Easier said than done, right? I think a lot of people rather avoid these feelings by staying distracted or they let it get the best of them and take them under (to the dark side: depression? anxiety?). It's black and white to a lot of people; we distract or we buckle. However - there is grey.

First, I want you to know I'm as guilty as a bear in the woods. I used to and STILL do this from time to time. When it was a Friday night and I found myself home alone doing nothing I would get in a really dark place and start venting my feelings via twitter. I just felt super lonely at times and it made me hate my life for a solid night. Which is weird to say because if you know me, you know I really do enjoy being alone and practicing solitude now.

If something went wrong in my life, I thought I needed to go get drunk or find something to do. I'd hang out with the wrong people and make mistakes just because it was better than letting myself feel whatever I was feeling at the time. However, I realized that if I was lonely but surrounded myself with people - I still felt lonely. If I was sad and wanted to go get drunk - I'd still end up sad either at the end of the night or in the morning. Those feelings would still be there, deep down and tucked around some heart strings like they were shoved into a cold filing cabinet with cobwebs.

Although those feelings were manageable to push away for a second, I listened to a podcast one day where someone highlighted a few tips that helped me tremendously:

1. Acknowledge what you are feeling. (Am I sad? Am I lonely?)
2. Discover & dig for the reasoning. (Why am I...?)
3. ACCEPT & SIT in those feelings. Be okay with those feelings. Struggle through it. If you never struggle with it, you'll keep going through the cycle of avoidance.

You can keep running from your issues, but it's going to keep running you. Just STOP. If something doesn't feel right or sit well with you, it is because something is not right. Allow yourself to figure out why. Embrace the feelings and take them head on. Make the conscious effort to go through step by step of dealing with them. Accept it. Then, you sleep on it. And here's the kicker - when you wake up in the morning, you're one step closer to dealing with the uncomfortable feelings. If you practice this cycle consciously, you will see a difference.

Now if I'm sad or lonely it does not bother me. I acknowledge what emotion/feeling I'm experiencing, I dig deep to figure out why, and I say "okay." I don't try to fix it or change it, I just accept it. It may take me a whole day of feeling "off" or two days of feeling like I'm in a daze. However, what is so different for me now with this practice is that I don't let it take me into a deep dark place and that's where I feel so many people struggle. No matter what, I can't get hung up on something that's temporary, I won't allow myself to anymore. Uncomfortable feelings are temporary, which means you won't feel them very long. With the deserved recognition, they will soon be feelings you deal with naturally. You'll probably even become more comfortable with yourself.

The sun will rise again,
Mikayla

"If you avoid your feelings, you also avoid understanding who you really are."